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Top 9 Dumbest Burglars of All Time

Most burglars aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed; that could be why they opted for a life of crime. Still, whether due to poor planning or panicking under pressure, some criminals stand out as especially thick-headed. Here are some of our favorites:

  1. A British man managed to flee the crime scene when the homeowners returned unexpectedly. Well done, chap! Er… except you left your man-purse at the scene, along with your mug shot, your prison ID, and a lease agreement with your current address.
  2. After breaking into a Kansas City home, a burglar tried to call a phone-sex hotline using the homeowner’s smart phone. Only, the phone outsmarted the burglar by snapping several photos of the would-be caller. His pictures landed him on the evening news–and in prison.
  3. While dashing from the scene of the crime, an unlucky burglar took a shortcut across a field…where the Sacramento Sheriff’s Department happened to be holding football practice. The runner was apprehended, but not before being tackled by the entire defensive line.
  4. A man in Columbia chose the wrong house to ransack. Looking for more booty after bagging a laptop and a camera, the robber stumbled into the home dojo of the Pan-American karate champion where, along with the champ, a bevy of black belts were practicing. The thief’s attempts to flee were unsuccessful.
  5. Displaying a similar lack of brainpower, a Hungarian man hopped the fence of a home only to find another fence…a sword-wielding Olympic fencing ace. The aspiring villain tried to escape, but swiftly found himself pinned with a blade to the throat. When the police arrived, the man went willingly.
  6. A clumsy criminal in Western Michigan got a cut of his own action. After stealing $300 worth of knives from a hunting supply store, the man tripped and stabbed himself in the stomach while trying to escape. Following a lengthy hospital stay, the man was arrested and almost certainly mocked.
  7. A deadbeat who broke into a funeral home in Spain tried to fool cops by slipping into a coffin and holding very still. The only problem? He breathed. Also, the (fashion) police got wise to his fooling when they noticed that the corpse wasn’t wearing funeral finery, but rather worn, grungy clothing.
  8. Wanting to toast his criminal success, a burglar in Dusseldorf popped the cork of a pinched bottle of bubbly in his getaway car. He nipped a few too many sips, though, and passed out. When police strolled by the car hours later, they found the robber in repose, along with goods that had been reported stolen.
  9. It was curtains for a British crook who broke into his neighbor’s home and stole a few small items, including a couple ashtrays, some lamb steaks, and a set of drapes. He might have gotten away with it, too, had the neighbor not noticed the stolen curtains, now hanging next door. The thief was given two years behind bars, where he was forced to live without window coverings.

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